hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
