I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
