ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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