you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
