During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize