And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
