Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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