He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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