If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
