Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
