I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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