I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
