She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
