Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
