And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
