I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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