if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
