I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
