Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
