wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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