Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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