he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
