Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
