Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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