I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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