yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
