i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
