I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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