I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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