he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
