So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
