I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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