ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
