I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
