I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
