you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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