Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
