she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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