Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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