She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
