names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
