There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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