I bet he comes in French.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I did not marry a roomba.
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