Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
