More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
