I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
