No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
