Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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