You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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