I accidentally burped into my bong.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
