come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
