and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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