At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
