I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He passed out mid-signature
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize