Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
