If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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