i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
