I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
