i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
