I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
