so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
