He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
