addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
